Hello, my friend. I am so excited that you are here. You are here on purpose and I hope that my encounter with you will leave you more excited and confident about who you are and the incredible destiny God has for you.
I, like many women, have a story to tell when it comes to my health--inside and out. I too have been bombarded with the diet culture, restrictive eating, punishment exercise, and more. We as women have incredible bodies that create, carry, birth, and nourish life. So of course they change along the way--they change shape, weight, and composition.
If you're like me, you may have spiraled into hopelessness that you will never feel good or like what you see in the mirror again. It may be after having children, years of not taking care of your health, intensely stressful life situations, or just simply not knowing how to love and honor your body with the food that goes into it.

"What is the answer? Where is the sanity?!" your heart cries. Then comes the strict dieting and hard exercising to desperately try to get back what feels lost.

But I am here to tell you that you are not lost. You are a life giver. Your body is a house of miracles. You are an incredible being, simply because you are a woman. You were chosen by God to be a nourisher, a nurturer, a warrior, a lover, a life giver, a homemaker, and so many more things. But how hard these things become when we ourselves are feeling like we're strangers in our own bodies and just desperately need something healthy, something good, and something sustainable for ourselves and our loved ones.

Health is for YOU. It is possible for YOU. You need to know that.

I have been in those spiraling dark thought patterns of despare. I hated my body. I would wish and wish and cry that it could just be different.

"Why can't I have a thigh gap? Why do my arms have to be so big? Why does my face have to be so round? Why can't my legs be longer? Why did she get to lose X amount of pounds so easily and the scale won't budge for me? Why can't I just get below this number!? Will I have to be on a diet forever if I want to reach my goals? I just want to eat good food and not have to constantly be telling myself no and living a life of restriction. Stupid body. Why can't you just be like I want you to be?! No man is ever going to want me if I can't reach my goals and look better. What if my husband falls out of love with me because of these pounds I've gained? What if he doesn't find me attractive anymore? What if I never get there? What if I'm just trapped in this body forever?"

Does any of this sound familiar? No, I didn't read your journal, but you should read mine. Then you would know without a doubt that you are not alone. If you've had these thoughts, or maybe even have them almost constantly, you need to know that there is no condemnation here for you. There is no shame. 

There is LOVE here. So much love for you that it would absolutely overwhelm you if you could grasp it. 
It is the love of your Creator. The one that knitted you together in your mother's womb. Every single part of you, He created with so much love and intention. He dreamt of the amazing, beautiful being you would be and He delighted in every thought of you. He knows every single thing about your body because He created you. He understands the innermost feelings of your heart and when you cry, He cries with you. He hears your cry for help and He is so excited to answer. He never condemns you. You are His beloved daughter. He wants health and wholeness for you.
So, no, there is no condemnation here. Only so much love for you and expectancy of the beautiful life He has created you for. 
These are the things I had to learn. I'm still plopping down on my pampered booty like a baby learning to walk, but with every step I take forward, He delights in it.

Because of just how much He has changed my life, my health, my thought patterns, and my heart with truth and knowledge over the last couple of years, I just can't help but share it with you in an effort to say, "Do it again, Lord!"  
 
This is a beautiful starting place. The possibilities begin when you step out toward what is yours--a beautiful, healthy life.

It was around this time--about 6 months before our wedding, that I discovered Trim Healthy Mama. I was coming off a very strict clean keto and intermittent fasting kick that had lasted about a year or more. I had slowly gotten my body into a tizzy. I had the worst periods of my life and the scale had stopped moving. My gut seemed off and my digestion was all over the place with the heavy fats I was ingesting. I had my wedding coming up in 6 months and I just had to figure something out. 

My mom mentioned kindly that she had done Trim Healthy Mama years ago and gently suggested maybe I should give it a try. It had helped her lose weight after pregnancy and then maintain a healthy weight. I was a staunch keto and intermittent fasting advocate and the thought of eating a carb almost made me gain 10 pounds. Surely I would baloon if I touched one of those awful carbs like sweet potatoes and oats and sprouted bread! Surely, if I ate all three meals (and *gasp* even SNACKS?) I would be in for the fastest weight gain of my life. 

But no. As I slowly began to learn the THM plan and add in beautiful, nourishing carb fueled (E) meals into my diet (I had the fat focused meals very much down, haha), I began to see incredible results in my body. Now, at this same time I had vowed not to get on the scale, as it had become a mean, nasty slave driver. But I began to have the best, most regulated periods of my life and I had so much energy. I felt AMAZING, and the best part is that even more fat melted away from my body and I reached a beautiful, slender goal weight. I couldn't believe it because I was eating the yummiest, most nourishing foods-- and may I mention-- EVERY SINGLE FOOD GROUP. Not one was demonized or harshly restricted from my plate.

What I wasn't expecting was the heart change that came along with the changes happening to my body. As the transformation was happening in my health, my mind was also being transformed.
My job at the time required lots of time on the road so I would listen to episode after episode of The Poddy (THM Serene & Pearl's Podcast) The health info they brought was great, but it was the talk about negative thought patterns, shame, and learning to put off those old ugly things and embrace the beautiful NEW that God wanted to give me. It led into hours on the road of listening to worship music and scripture and inspiring teachers of the Word and over time, I began to see myself in a whole different light. 
Sure, there are still things I'm learning to love about my body but I don't hate it one single bit any more. In fact, I am amazed at what it can do and how eating the food God made nourishes it so well. 

This transformation of my mind happened over months and months and it continues to happen. I continue to call out the lies the enemy tries to get me to believe about myself and replace them with the TRUTH about Who God Says I Am. This is what I'm so passionate to share with you above all else!!

I gave birth to our beautiful son in June 2024. Being a Mama has been the most beautiful, intense, life changing title I have ever had and I wouldn't change it for the world! I am beyond grateful to have carried and birthed an incredible, healthy little boy. He is a delight, and I cannot imagine life without him. 

Along with that journey came one of my entire body changing, gaining 50 pounds, and a whole postpartum weightloss journey that did not go as expected. It's taking alot longer than I wanted it to or expected it to. 
I once again learned (and am still practicing) to love my body with the love of God and with gratitude for every stretch mark and bit loose skin that I didn't have before because those are my beautiful reminders of the incredible privilege of being called "Mama". I have not arrived at my goals yet, but I am wholeheartedly embracing the journey. A great way to miss the beauty of the journey is to spend the whole time wishing for it to end. 

I am slowly and steadily getting closer to my goals. My goal isn't to be "thin" necessarily anymore but to be strong. To build my clean lean muscle mass and to become a lean, mean, burning machine. I am patient with my body. It's not a race. It was never meant to be one. Because the number on that darn scales seems to think it rules the roost of success, I booted it out. Well, technically I had my husband hide it and he did a really good job. 
So, even though I wasn't weighing super regularly, I would pop on now and again and be utterly frustrated and annoyed. But then I decided--that number doesn't get to define my progress....

How my clothes fit, my energy levels, how my body feels, the strength in my arms and legs....that is what gets to tell me if what I'm doing is working. All the while, loving that girl in the mirror whether she's beautifully toned yet or not. She's getting there!!!

I strength train 3-4x a week and love it! Through eating the TH way, I make sure I fuel my body with sufficient protein to keep my muscles happy and growing! I do my very best to get those veggies in so they can scrub my muscle clean of fat and I can have beautiful clean, lean body mass. I don't always have all the powders and supplements, but as my budget allows, I sure do love me some ESSENTIAL, Baobab, and Nutritional Yeast from the TH Store. Those are my "I could live without them but I'd really rather not" items. You really surely can do TH without all the powders and supplements, but they are a beautiful addition that can also help simplify and speed up some processes.  

I love this life style because I know I can sustain it through every season I go through and be healthy, strong, and free.

"But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine." Isaiah 43:1